"Long Time No See"

For years I never log in into my blog and almost forget about it. When I looked back, last post was on 2011. Mmmm, so meaning about 3 years I never touch it. 3 YEARS!! So lllooooonnnngggggggggggg~ Quickly skim through my posts, found it funny anyway. Glad that I wrote down some of my thoughts/feeling. And now that I looked back, oh my I've grown up. LOL. But still certain things still remain the same from student to working life. (Yeah now that I've started working for nearly 2 years). That will be my view on my future/job. I feel like want to continue and write something so that one day I can read back what I've been through my life. It may be interesting anyway. Ok I need to dig some time out and start re-blogging again. hahaha~ P/s: felt bad that I never reply to a comment long time ago (2012). Sorry!!~

Just have to live in my small world

Almost 3 years in university, my perception about things keep on changing. LOL.

I still remember initial how bad i wanna study dentistry. Then I changed. I wanna be friend with dentists only. I also wanna earn a lot of money after I graduated as a physiotherapist. I want to further my study at least until master degree and get specialized. I want to be famous in this field. hahahaha.

Then now, I changed again. I dont want to be a physiotherapist anymore because of my clinical experience in the past 2 months posting. I felt like this job is not suitable for a female. Let's think. One day, if you (female) are a normal person, you will get marry, pregnant, have your own family. If, I were pregnant, am I still able to do my job? No. I will be unable to carry/transfer patient. Hospital environment is full of germs/bacteria/virus. Wont it harm me myself and my baby? Right? How long am I able to 'massage' other people without hurting my joints?

So, currently, I think I wanna be a primary school teacher since I enjoy it a lot when I work as a temporary teacher in 2008. It's fun. Compare to a physio, where I have to see the infected terrible big wounds. People said that you have to see beautiful things during your pregnancy. haha...

Since right now I have no intention to get further into this field, so I dont know whether I've the right to think about going overseas to further study etc etc. Going to overseas is my dream. I want to see the world. But it seems like my only reason to go overseas is vacation isnt it?

So, right now, I dont want to think too much. I should know my capability. So, I'll just have to bear with it.

Something to be doddled on

For a long time I didn't update my blog. (even though I'm doubt that there will be people reading my blog. Neverthelesss, I still want to write what I want to write ^^)

Currently I'm in my 3rd year first semester. Finished this sem clinical posting and now I'm in the middle of my exam. LOL, I realized that most of the time when I was posting something, I always do that in the midnight and during exam time. Probably this is the most stressful and 'nothing-to-do' period.

I sincerely hope that people around the world can really live their lives happily. Even though if you are:
1. poor/living in poverty
2. in extreme environment-cold, hot, volcano erruption, earthquake, landslide, flood
3. alone/not marry/not dating anyone
4. wounded/injured
5. failed in study/exam/stress
6. sacked by boss in work/office politics/stress
7. etc etc

Because when you think you're so unfortunate, then you tend to self-pity and blame everyone on the things that happen to you. Isnt it?

The most important thing is, your family and real friends. If they are still with you, there is nothing for you to feel sad/depress/stress/the world is ended.

Life never goes according to your wish. Hence, it is challenging because sometimes you can't fight against it. Learn to accept it even though it is hard. And try to look in the positive way to make yourself happier.

We human beings can choose either to live happily or sadly. Of course, we want happiness. Therefore, live it happily~

There is still half glass of water more. (Half full) or
There is only half glass of water left. (half left)

Which one will you choose?

Unwanted Worries, Stress, Depression

I am wondering whether I have any psycological problem or not. This is because I always worry about somethings unnecessarily. For example, right now, starting tomorrow, I'll become a third year physiotherapy student. I'm worry that I can't make it because until now :

1. I still feel that I am blank. I do not know what I've learned.
2. I feel insecure about the prospect and future of this course.
3. Neither I like nor dislike this course.

Are the reasons above reasonable?

1. Until now I still think that mostly what lecturers taught in lecture are not really helpful in practical/clinical posting.
2. There are so many physiotherapy graduates recently as a result of the mushrooming of the private institutions that offer this course. Even the current President of Malaysian Physiotherapy Association -MPA, 2010 says that there are too many physio are produced and he urges the government to stop giving license to the private colleges or universities to offer such course. Even though most of it only provide diploma program.
3. I have no true feelings about this course. During my first year, I dislike this course because this is not the course that I want to study. However, gradually, I started to think that this course is interesting because of a good lecturer. Next, comes a lousy lecturer that spoils my interest. This is not a big influence however. Then, during clinical posting, a supervisor that only will condemn you without giving you good advices that can help you in the future.

Maybe I'm too 'weak' mentally. Probably I should train myself intensively.

Reality is always so cruel. But sometimes we can't change it. Thus, we just have to learn to accept it.

sleepless night

Today is just a normal day for me. Except that I'm not sure why today I was so 'hardworking' and helped my mom to finish making dumplings for the upcoming dumpling festival. Also, the results of my second year second sem are released and sent to my house. I thought I'm ready to face my terrible result, but the truth is, I'm not. I'm still shock when I saw it. hahahah......

Since now it is holidays month, so my daily routine has turned up side down. Night becomes my day and day becomes my night. A night owl. And currently, I'm unable to sleep.

It's one year since I applied for the scholarship and I failed in this year January. I wonder how many people actually read my blog and get the tips from it? I think none. Since my blog is too 'secretive' due to some personal reasons.

Even thought half a year has passed, but the disappointment is definitely still there. Probably due to 'someone' has given me high hope. )(*#*@#^&^@#) HAHAHHA

Anyway, I have no other choices except to continue what I'm doing now. I pray to God that I can manage this challenge and if possible, I really hope I can love it. mmhhmmm......

Currently I'm happy because I do not have to think about the life during clinical posting.

But when new sem starts, can I cope with it? Answer is: me myself, I'm also not sure about it.

The 'hurtful' comments given by the supervisor has a big impact on me. I took around 2 months to let it go and now, I dont care about it anymore. I dont care what she said because I think that she has no right to say this to me since she is not me. So, I felt better. haha..Trying to hypnotize myself. Unsure whether this is a healthy way of thinking or not.

I do not know the path of my life. What will happen to me in the future. This goes to others as well. But my friends told me, once you have gone further, the path will become clearer. And you will know what you want or whether you're in the right track. If yes, congratulations. If not, then it is never too late to change to what you want to be as long as you have the determination. And I strongly believe this.

As we grow up, we have more things to consider. More stress, tension. To make ourselves happier, we just have to try to do something that we like. Example, playing sports, computer games, vacationing, dance in the club, eat, drink....

Never ever stress up yourself too much until you're unable to cope with it. Isnt it?
Keep our sanity.

Examination that never ends

Start from the Monday, my final exam for my 2nd year life will be started.

Surprisingly, this time I 'feel' that I do not care about it anymore. Even though I still study, but not as hardworking as before. Maybe I've opened up my mind that results will not decide anything for my future. So, as long as I pass, it should be ok.

Next sem will be a tougher year because there are 4 subjects that its credit hour is 4. Quite heavy for the students since we never have so many 4 credit hour at the same time. But this scene will continue until the final year where all the subjects are 5-credit-hour subjects.. '"=_=

Gambateh....!!

Finally posting is ended today

Today is the last day for my clinical posting. I was so happy because I do not need to go to the hospital setting anymore.

After 5 weeks of posting, my thought will be : Am I suitable to be a physiotherapist in the future. Currently, neither I like or hate this profession. I'm just neutral and I just think that this job is so tiring.

My second year will be ended very soon. Even though this week there was a carier talk in my campus. Representative from a hospital in Singapore came to my campus and try to recruit people. They are promoting their hospital and my course. But for me, the effect is reverse. I didn't feel that this is a very promising and secure job.

Even now that I am going to be a third year student soon in this coming July, I'm still thinking that: is it the right path for me?

Or I shouldn't think too much. I should just focus on what I'm doing now since I am unable to change the fact that I'm financially not able to change course to study in private colleges.

I just hope that I can be more brave.